I Dibs Allyson

Okay, everyone, I dibs Allyson.

Allyson, the ceremony will be at Our Lady of Fatima Cathe--

Joe: Hold there, varlet!
Mateo: Good God! It's Joe Scott!!!
Joe: Unhand the lady, scurvy poltroon, for I claim her.
Mateo: No way. You took Lauren from me. This one's mine.
Joe: Nay, I say -- I claim her as my droit du seigneur.
Mateo: We'll see about that, Gaelic dog! [lunges at adversary]
Joe: Ugh! Thracian catamite! [grapples with Burtch, toppling into china cabinet]
Mateo: Dravidian freebooter!
Joe: Saracen pig!
Mateo: Who are you calling David Sarasohn?

They crash through a plate-glass windowof a department store.

Joe: Welsh corgi!
Mateo: Mennonite haberdasher!
Joe: Anthracite pedicurer!
Allyson: Boys! Boys! Stop! Stop it!
Joe: I'll see you in Hell ere I let this comely wench fall into your benighted hands, cur!
Mateo: Have a care, my good man -- my broadsword thirsts for the blood of a scoundrel!
Joe: Impudent crow! Sancho! My buckler!
They continue to fight.
Mateo: Take that, wretched piscine troglodyte! [smashes punch bowl down on Scott's head]
Joe: A scratch, weasel, and no more! [brings Empire State Building down on Burtch's chest]
Allyson: Somebody go get the Principal!
Kevin: Wait a minute. I'm lost. What page are we on? I thought we were doing Godot.
More fighting.
Pat: Okay, what the hell is going on here?
Joe and Mateo: It's Principal Pruyne!
Pat: What is this crap? Look at the mess you've made.
Joe: He started it.
Mateo: He started it. He's always taking all the new girls in Introductions.
Joe: I have seniority, you twit. Besides, they pass out when they get a whiff of you.
Mateo: [long pause] So?
Pat: All right, that's enough, you two. Allyson, I'm sorry you had to show up in rutting season.
Allyson: Uh, yeah. Listen, I'm just gonna collect my things....
Pat: Now, I want you boys to shake hands and make friends.
Joe: Well, all right. I guess. [offers handshake]
Mateo: My bad. Sorry, man.

They shake hands.

Pat: Good. Now, I want you both to go over to Girlytown and help Ann figure out what kind of jeans to buy.
Joe and Mateo: Yes, sir.
The End.