You are visitor since October 12, 1492

The author, pictured at the Wilbur Monument, near Autoclave, Vt., 1991. The Monument honors thousands of Wilburs from across America who gave their lives for their country. Most died in skating accidents.

The Mateo J. Burtch Chewable Item Research Center

Hullo! Chester Buttertongs III here, and I'm just rully, rully delighted to be able to introduce you to our pages! We've got a rully smashing show for you, featuring performances by singer Janet LaFroid, the Lapland National Citrus Orchestra, some live Canadians, and a man who claims to be able to singe himself at will.

Ted, how about telling the audience about some of the great prizes we have?

Right you are, Chester! Well, besides the Giant Rotating-Head Vinyl Elvis, packed with over thirty-two pounds of Chef Slummin's Mighty Pork o' Jesus Flakes, each contestant will take home a personalized set of exploding fruits and vegetables from Nitro Farms of Pout, Indiana!

But that's not all!

Here's just a few of the things that they'll find on these pages:

• Cartoons and miscellaneous drawings
  
  
• Parodies
• Into Thick Air
• The Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S Grant
• Furthurmore
• The Emperor of Frozen Yogurt
• Theodore Roethke Meets Joey Ramone
  

• Two important apps!
• Undrownit!  — The better way to save a drowning baby!
• MErase — when you just don't have time to erase what you've written

• Articles
• Meet The "Beatles" ... England's Newest Singing Sensations! (PDF)
• Free Footnotes for Your Academic Paper
• Names for Your Baby
• "Beers With..." 
  

• Trip Reports:
• Bicycling Across Africa, Part One:  Sudan to Malawi, 2014
• My PowerPoint Presentation on Tour d'Afrique 2014!
  
• Bicycling Across Africa, Part Two:  Malawi to South Africa, 2016
• also, check out our section on Whales of the Namibian Desert
• and the TDAopoly board
  
• Bicycling Across Central America, 2005
• Bicycling the California Missions, 2014-2017
  
  
• Random Stuff

• Reed College stuff (mostly of interest to Reedies)
  

The Mateo Burtch Experience, Baby!

A short personal history that will put to rest the ugly rumors that my drawings all look the way they do because I was born with walrus flippers in place of hands. I was not. I received the flippers as a gift at the age of five.

Click on the this photo
from the movie Chinatown
to go. . . .